Dialogue with a Troglodyte

Dialogue with a Troglodyte

(With apologies to Mssr. Proudhon)

Watson Q. Patriot. I've always wanted to tell you, Bazarov, that I think you and those like you are a blot on our society. You hate our freedom, disdain our values, and exhibit prejudices that are anti-American. You should move to Cuba. Now, what have you to say to that?

Bazarov. I'm more or less indifferent to your harangue as it has been said before and better in 1984 and by the Bush administration.

Bazarov. I am of course referring to Orwell's novel, not the year 1984. In the year nineteen eighty-four Bush was a coke snorting nobody, albeit with a famous father.

Bazarov. Bush refused to deny, when faced with repeated questioning, that he snorted coke. Given this fact, it seems at least as reasonable to assume he used cocaine as it is to think that I hate our freedom.

Watson Q. Patriot. You do hate our freedom! Like bin Laden and the terrorists, you hate our freedom, our wealth, and our way of life!

Bazarov. Does it seem reasonable to you to believe that a rich Arab who suffers extreme hardship and voluntarily lives in a cave when he could be sunbathing on a beach in Maui would hate us for our wealth?

Watson Q. Patriot. The president says bin Laden hates us for our wealth, and if the commander-in-chief says it, then by god I believe it.

Watson Q. Patriot. Okay, smart guy, so why does bin Laden hate us? You liberals think you have it all figured out. Tell me why.

Bazarov. He's been pretty specific in his reasoning. While he hasn't included hatred for our wealth (or our freedom for that matter) in his litany, he has mentioned other things.

Bazarov. Well, for one thing, our unqualified support for Israel in its oppression of Palestinians, among other, probably lesser reasons.

Watson Q. Patriot. You're all of them! They are the same thing. If you had read Ann Coulter's books you'd know that!

Bazarov. Actually, if it is dislike for Jews you are referring to, that long precedes the guy with the funny mustache. It extends back into antiquity with luminaries such as Cicero and Tacitus and finds a more modern expression in the writings of Martin Luther among many others of note. To call someone who criticizes Jews a Nazi makes no more sense than to call critics of Islam Crusaders.

Bazarov. Uh, that would be Martin Luther, founder of the Protestant Reformation, not Martin Luther King, whose real name, Michael King, was never legally changed.